What to Do When You Feel Emotionally Unsafe in Love? (Part 2)

Love is supposed to feel safe.

Not perfect. Not always peaceful. But at the very least it should feel like a place where your heart is allowed to show up without armor.

But what happens when it doesn’t?

When you find yourself bracing before you speak, shrinking to avoid arguments, or constantly questioning if your emotions are “too much”?

That’s emotional unsafety. And it’s more common than we talk about.

What Emotional Safety Actually Means

Emotional safety is the sense that you can be your whole self in a relationship—honest, flawed, expressive without fear of being punished, ridiculed, ignored, or emotionally manipulated.

When you don’t have that safety, even love can feel like walking on broken glass.

Signs You May Be Emotionally Unsafe in Your Relationship

• You often silence yourself to avoid conflict

• You feel anxious after sharing your feelings

• You don’t feel truly heard or understood

• You’re gaslit or made to feel “crazy” for expressing valid emotions

• You’re afraid of being too much or not enough

Sometimes, it’s not even about what your partner says it’s what they don’t say. The cold shoulder. The dismissive tone. The lack of accountability.

You begin to question yourself more than you question the relationship.

Before You Blame Yourself

Let’s be clear: You are not weak for needing emotional safety. You’re not needy. You’re not dramatic.You're human.

The problem is, many of us were never taught how to ask for emotional safety, let alone recognize when it's missing.

We settle for love that comes with conditions or fear because we’ve confused chaos with passion, or control with care.

But the kind of love that grows you will never ask you to abandon yourself.

What You Can Do If You Feel Emotionally Unsafe

1. Name What You’re Feeling Without Filtering It for Someone Else’s Comfort

Start with:

“I’m noticing that I feel anxious when I try to share how I feel…”“When I speak, I feel like my words aren’t landing…”

This isn’t about blaming it’s about truth-telling.

2. Don’t Minimize Your Experience

If something hurts or feels unsafe emotionally, that’s real. Don’t wait for it to become “bad enough” to matter. It already does.

3. Pay Attention to How Repair Happens (or Doesn’t)

Do they take accountability? Or deflect and blame?Do they minimize your emotions or genuinely try to understand?

The repair process after conflict says more about a relationship than the conflict itself.

4. Seek Support Outside the Relationship

Talk to a therapist, a trusted friend, or a mentor. When you’re too close to the situation, outside perspective can ground you back into your truth.

5. Ask Yourself: Is This a Pattern or a Phase?

People can change. But repeated patterns of emotional harm even subtle aren’t just "bad moments.” They’re messages. Pay attention.

You Deserve Safety in Love

Love is not meant to confuse you, shame you, or make you feel like you’re “too much.”Love is meant to see you clearly and still choose you gently.

So, if your body is tensing more than it's softening in your relationship, don’t ignore that. It’s wisdom. It’s self-protection. It’s a signal.

You are allowed to ask for a relationship that feels safe, steady, and soul-nourishing. That’s not a high standard. That’s your birthright.

Reflection Questions

• What does emotional safety mean to me, not just to others?

• When was the last time I felt emotionally seen and heard by my partner?

• Have I been compromising safety for connection?

-With honesty and love

A. Sawyer