The Power of the Pause: How to Own Your Reactions and Reclaim Your Peace

Before You React: Reassess, Realign, Refrain

We’ve all been there moments when someone says or does something that hits us wrong. The heart races, the chest tightens, and our first instinct is to clap back, shut down, or explode. It feels like we have no choice but to react.

But here’s the truth: Reactions are not automatic. They’re decisions. And if we’re not careful, those split-second decisions can cost us relationships, peace of mind, and our own sense of power.

One of the most powerful skills you can learn is this:

Learn to press the pause button.

A wise friend of mine, Dr. Wendy Fernander, gave me a mantra that changed everything:

“Before you react: Reassess. Realign. Refrain.”

It sounds simple, but living it takes intention. These three steps and the pause they invite are like guardrails for your emotional life, especially when things get messy.

Pressing Pause Means Taking Back Control

When we don’t pause, we let emotion take the wheel. When we do, we choose to respond with clarity instead of chaos.

The pause isn’t weakness it’s wisdom. It’s the space where self-awareness steps in and ego steps back. It’s where growth happens.

1. Reassess

Ask yourself: What’s really happening here? Often, we’re reacting to a tone, a trigger, or a story we’ve already told ourselves not the actual moment in front of us. Maybe someone cut you off in traffic, or a coworker dismissed your idea in a meeting. But what if it wasn’t personal? What if they were just caught in their own storm?

Reassessing gives you that breath between stimulus and reaction. It helps you slow down and see clearly.

2. Realign

Now, check in with your values. Who do I want to be in this moment? This is where most people lose their power. They let someone else’s behavior pull them out of character. But when you realign, you protect your identity and integrity.

Realignment is about deciding: “I’m not going to let this moment define me.”

3. Refrain

Finally, choose restraint. Ask yourself: Do I need to respond at all? Refraining isn’t about silence or avoidance. It’s about power your power to walk away, breathe, or speak only when it serves growth, not ego.

Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is say nothing. Other times, it’s responding but with calm, not chaos. Refraining is the pause that keeps you from making permanent damage in a temporary storm.

When You’re the One Who’s Wrong

Let’s be honest: pressing pause isn’t just for when someone else messes up it’s also for when we do.

The hardest part of self-growth? Admitting when you were the one out of line.Many people avoid apologizing because they think it makes them look weak. But ego keeps us stuck, while accountability sets us free.

It takes strength to say:

“I didn’t handle that well. I let my emotions lead. I’m sorry.”

It’s not about perfection it’s about humility. Growth. Integrity.

Your Reaction Is Your Responsibility

People will provoke you. Life will test you. That’s guaranteed. But how you respond? That’s your power. And the more you protect your peace, the less control the world has over your spirit.

So the next time you feel that fire rising in your chest, take a breath. Hit pause. And remember:

Reassess. Realign. Refrain.Because sometimes, the strongest move… is the one you don’t make.

Until the next pause,

A. Sawyer

Writer. Truth-seeker. Learning to pause, reflect, and grow one moment at a time.