The Illusion of Control

We like to believe we’re in control. Of our lives. Our choices. Our outcomes. It gives us comfort, the idea that if we plan hard enough, prepare well enough, and pray just right, things will go the way we want them to.

But life has a quiet way of humbling us.

We realize, sometimes painfully, that control is mostly an illusion, a delicate dance between what we influence and what we must accept. The weather changes without our consent. People leave when we’re not ready. Opportunities unfold on their own timeline. And yet, we cling to the narrative that if we could just hold on tighter, everything would make sense again.

Psychologist Albert Bandura, who studied human agency and control, once said:

“People’s beliefs about their abilities have a profound effect on those abilities. Ability is not a fixed property; there is a huge variability depending on how one perceives themselves.”

Bandura wasn’t dismissing control, he was redefining it. True control isn’t about mastering the external world. It’s about mastering our response to it. We can’t stop the storm, but we can decide whether we’ll stand rigid and break… or bend and breathe.

Maybe that’s the secret: The more we loosen our grip, the more peace we gain. Because real control isn’t about power, it’s about presence.

Letting life flow doesn’t mean giving up. It means trusting that you can meet whatever comes your way, even when it’s nothing like what you planned.

Think about one area of your life you’ve been trying to control an outcome, a person, a plan.

Ask yourself:

What would happen if I softened my grip just a little?

What peace might I find in surrender, instead of striving?

Take a few deep breaths. Write down one thing you’re willing to release, even if it’s just for today.

Author’s Note

Sometimes we mistake control for safety, when all we really need is trust, trust in ourselves, and in life’s unfolding. Remember: the goal isn’t to control every wave, but to learn how to float when the current shifts.

With grace,

— Alexya Sawyer