MINDFUL MAY (I SAW YOU BEFORE I MET YOU)

In recognition of Mental Health Month

This is how we can choose to begin.

Not with motivation. Not with pretty affirmations. Not with “this is your month.”

But with truth.

Because in recognition of Mental Health Month…we don’t need more surface.

We need awareness.

I saw you before I met you.

Not your face. Not your name. Not even your voice.

I saw the feeling of you.

The pattern. The familiarity. The quiet warning that didn’t feel like fear… it felt like recognition.

And that’s what confused me.

Because how do you run from something that feels like home?

It wasn’t love at first sight.

It was memory.

Not the kind you can place. Not the kind you can explain.

The kind your body holds without asking for permission.

The kind that whispers, "You've been here before…”

And I had.

Different person. Same emotions. Same ache dressed in a new name.

I didn’t meet you…

I recognized you.

And if I’m being honest, that recognition said more about me than it ever did about you.

Because this is what Mental Health Month is really about.

Not just checking in…

But actually being honest about what’s still unhealed.

I saw you in the way I started shrinking without noticing. In that way, I began explaining myself more than expressing myself. In the way, I felt like I had to earn what should’ve been given freely.

And that’s when it hit me.

This isn’t new.

This is a continuation.

We don’t just meet people.

We meet patterns. We meet unfinished wounds. We meet versions of ourselves that are still trying to prove something they should’ve never had to prove.

And I was still trying.

Trying to be understood. Trying to be chosen. Trying to be enough in a space that was never built to hold me fully.

I saw you before I met you because I hadn’t slowed down long enough to sit with what I was still carrying.

And that’s the part we avoid.

Especially when life keeps moving, and we learn how to function through everything.

But functioning is not the same as being okay.

So in recognition of Mental Health Month…this is your pause.

Not to fix everything.

But to finally notice it.

You weren’t random.

You were familiar in all the ways I hadn’t confronted yet.

And that’s the part nobody talks about.

Sometimes the connection isn’t divine. Sometimes it’s repetition.

Sometimes it’s your past asking you one more time:

“Are you going to choose yourself now… or abandon yourself again?”

I wish I could say I walked away immediately.

I didn’t.

I stayed long enough to question myself. to minimize myself. to almost lose myself again.

Because awareness without reflection still keeps you stuck.

But something in me shifted.

Not loudly. Not dramatically.

Just a quiet knowing:

This feels familiar… and I need to understand why.

So I started paying attention.

Not to you.

To me.

To what I was tolerating. To what I was excusing. To what I was calling "understanding was really just self-abandonment in disguise.

That’s mindfulness.

Not perfection. Not instant change.

Just awareness that refuses to lie to you anymore.

And that’s when I finally understood it.

I didn’t see you before I met you…

I saw me.

The version of me that still believed love had to be earned. The version of me that confused intensity with connection. The version of me that stayed too long, hoping things would become what they never were.

That version of me…she needed to be seen.

And this month, that’s what we’re doing.

We’re not rushing healing.

We’re recognizing.

So instead of asking, "Why do I keep meeting people like this?”

Try asking:

“Why does this feel like something I’m used to?”

That question will sit with you.

It’s supposed to.

This isn’t a quick fix.

This is awareness.

I saw you before I met you.

And this time…

I didn’t ignore it.

Not everything that feels familiar is meant to stay.

Some things show up just to show you what you’re no longer willing to carry.

So if you feel it…

That pull. That déjà vu. That emotional echo you can’t quite explain,

Pause.

That’s your awareness speaking.

And in recognition of Mental Health Month…

This is how we can choose to begin.

Welcome to Mindful May.

Where we stop running from ourselves and finally learn what we’ve been feeling all along.

— Not healed. Just honest.

Alexya Newman-Wong